I was raised by the idea that It’s the thought that counts. Someone may epically fail, but if they mean well, you need to acknowledge that. I completely agree with this in some aspects of life, for instance with gifting, and cooking, and things where you can truly see someone’s good intentions, however I’ve come to realize that this is not always the case.
I never thought much about it past that until I read the book, Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps. Side note: If you haven’t read this book yet, it is an absolutely must! This book opened my eyes to the truth about intentions. Intentions are held within you, and unless you are making an outward gesture to make them known, that is where they stay.
The best example is with a thank you note. Sending a thank you note is a gesture so deeply ingrained in me that I typically start to write one immediately after receiving something so I don’t forget. Think about this: Someone may have sent you a great birthday gift or had you over for a fabulous dinner, and you have every intention of dropping a quick thank you in the mailbox, but the dog gets sick, or you have a work meeting, or something else comes up. All along, you intended to thank this person for their kindness, but the note never gets sent out. On the other end, all the person knows and sees is that there was no thank you. Did you receive the gift they sent? Maybe you didn’t like it, or maybe you didn’t care that they took the time to think of you. The point is that even though you may have the best intentions in the world, if no one can see them, it is like they aren’t even there.
One of the most important things to remember about our society is that everything is about perception. You may not be trying to hurt someone’s feelings, but if you do, that is what that person will notice, and isn’t that what is important? Regardless of intentions, the end result is what matters when it comes to how you make people feel. This is not to say that if you cook your boyfriend a meal that turns out terrible it is a complete failure; he’ll see the hard work and effort you put in. However if you intend on acknowledging your employee for doing a great job on the project but never follow through, those good intentions are only known inside of you, and he/she will think that their hard work went un-noticed.
We all want to be recognized for hard work, effort and kindness. No one is perfect, but being aware of your actions, how they are perceived, and acknowledging that your intentions stay inside of you unless they are made into an outward gesture may help make our world a little bit of a better place.