If you’re someone that has a hard time saying “no,” which is making you feel like you’re spreading yourself too thin, this post is for you.
Recent studies show that as humans, our first impulse is to help others, so it’s no surprise that we often take on more than we can handle. Similarly, we are often bombarded with propaganda saying that we can do it all and that we can have everything. While these statements can absolutely have a positive effect, these can also make us feel the need to take on everything and anything even when it’s too much to handle.
You don’t have to have it all to be happy
Social media paints the picture of perfect lives, no stress, and endless opportunities, but studies show that social media does reflect an unrealistic standard. If you want to take on everything and feel like you can successfully handle it all, keep up the great work, but for many of us, spreading ourselves too thin isn’t healthy. It’s important to realize that what you find important doesn’t translate directly to what others find important. One person might find it important to sit down to dinner every night while someone else finds it more important to stay at the office late to finish up on work. The beauty of it is that both situations are okay, as long as you focus on what is important to you.
If you need to drop something else to make room for what’s important, so be it. The easiest way to get started is to make a list. Write down what is important and non-negotiable for your life, and what can be postponed or dropped to make room for those important factors.
Do you need to cut back on the voluntary projects at work to make sure you spend enough time with your family? How about trimming down your gym time by 15 minutes to head to the grocery store? Figure out what you want, and how you can make it happen.
It’s okay to say “no”
We often feel compelled to say yes and open ourselves up to new opportunities, and this is a great way to think about life, but remembering that you can say “no” is equally as important. Putting yourself out there for new opportunities can absolutely help propel you forward both in life and in your career, but keeping things in perspective is what will help you keep your health in check. Mental health is an ever increasing problem, and part of this stems from overscheduling and over commitment.
When deciding whether to take on another commitment, ask yourself these three questions:
- Do I truly have the time for this?
- Will another commitment I’ve taken on suffer if I say “yes” to this?
- Will this make me happy?
Take a look at your answers to figure out if saying “yes” or “no” is the right call. Your course of action will often be pretty clear if you answer those questions honestly.
It’s better to be great at a few things than mediocre at a lot
It’s hypnotizing to watch someone who is great at what they do, and even better when that person loves what they do. On the other hand, working with someone who is late to meetings, flaky about email replies, and often comes off scrambling to do a lot of things at once is horrible.
I once worked with someone who proudly talked about their ability to juggle three kids, manage a high powered job with a lot of responsibility, and coordinate several monthly events. At first glance one might think that these were great achievements, however this person could barely keep up with their own schedule, was terrible about communication, and had a reputation for making silly mistakes. All I could ever think about was that if they cut back on the commitments, it would be possible to take on a few things and do really well with them, instead of being mediocre at juggling so many different responsibilities.
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Taking on multiple commitments is great if you can handle it, but it’s important to take a hard look at your schedule and think about how well you’re succeeding at each activity. Think about it this way. In 10 years, you probably won’t regret working hard and doing a great job on a few key projects, but you may regret taking on more than you could handle and producing mediocre work.
If you feel like you’re spreading yourself too thin, remember that it’s okay to cut back and focus on what you need to be happy and healthy. You don’t have to take on everything. Figure out what is important to you, and give those activities all you’ve got. It’s better to be remembered for how amazing you were at one (or a few) things, than to not be remembered at all for being okay at everything.