Have you ever noticed that some people communicate with confidence and command respect when speaking while others don’t? When you communicate with confidence, it is the difference between telling your boss that you need the day off and asking if it would be possible to take the day off. While it’s not okay to act self-righteous and show a lack of respect for others, it is important to take charge and act on what you need.
It can be a hard to communicate with confidence, and even harder to implement if you aren’t used to actively telling people how you feel and what you need. However once you do learn how to utilize this concept, there will be an immediate and noticeable difference in how others react to you.
Explain, don’t ask:
Think about how you would react if someone asked you this:
“Can I take this day off? If it’s too busy or you can’t make it work, that’s fine.”
You would probably go ahead and check what the schedule looks like for that day to figure out if it’s a busy week, etc. before letting that person know if that day would work or not. However, if someone were to come to you with the following statement, chances are that you would react differently.
“I need to take this day off because I have a personal obligation to tend to.”
When you make a statement instead of posing a question, people tend to accept it instead of questioning it. When you ask for a day off, you are giving off the notion that it isn’t a big deal and that you don’t mind if you don’t get the day off. Often people want specific dates off for a reason, so portraying that it isn’t important to you is counterproductive.
Know your value:
One of the most common things I see on resumes is people undervaluing themselves and their success. To communicate with confidence, you need to know your value and be confident in what you’re saying or asking for. Don’t let anyone undermine you or make you feel as though what you’re communicating is unreasonable.
The best way to do this is to have concrete evidence backing up what you are trying to communicate. Go over the different scenarios and come up with answers to various questions or concerns that come up. If you are confident in your statement, others will be too. Just make sure you have the evidence to back up your claim, because this will make your communication more effective.
Prepare ahead of time:
The key to being able to communicate with confidence is to prepare ahead of time. Very few people feel good about going into a situation unprepared for the outcome. Prepare your communication strategy ahead of time and practice what you want to say so you feel comfortable with your words and don’t stumble. When in doubt, practice in front of a mirror or in the car. The more you actually say what you want to say out loud, the more comfortable you will be.
Another way to prepare is to write down pros and cons for your statement and give reasons for each one. This way you can acknowledge a different viewpoint, but argue how your point makes more sense. Acknowledging other’s perspectives shows them that you have taken various points into account and still believe that you’ve come up with the best option.
Don’t back down if you don’t believe it’s right:
Part of being an adult is admitting when you’re wrong, and there is nothing bad about that, however if you truly believe that you’re right, don’t back down. If you want to communicate with confidence, you need to show others that you are in fact confident and are not second guessing yourself. When you lose confidence in what you’re saying, others will too.
Accept that you don’t always have to say yes:
It’s human nature to want to help others, but saying yes isn’t always in our best interest. You don’t always have to say yes or accept an invitation if you aren’t comfortable with it or you have other plans. Similarly, you don’t have to say yes when someone asks you to take something on at work. If there’s too much on your plate, be clear and communicate that. No one will penalize you for wanting to do a good job and be successful with what you have already taken on. If taking on another project will cause you too much stress, politely decline.
Click here to download my complete guide to politely declining an invite or opportunity
It is important to realize is that you don’t owe anyone at work an explanation if you need time off or cannot do extra work that is above and beyond your original agreement. Simply saying “I need time off” or “I cannot do that” should suffice, and if someone prods you for more information, all you need to respond with is “I have a lot on my plate and I want to make sure I can do everything to the best of my ability,” “It’s personal,” or “I’d rather not discuss it.”
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The bottom line is that we all find ourselves in situations where we need to assert our wants, needs, and abilities, but it can be hard to articulate this. Communicating with confidence shows others that you aren’t going to back down and let them choose for you.
Whether you are at work, with friends, or even with your family, being able to communicate with confidence will help you take control of your life and choose how you handle various situations.